Manos: The Hands of Fate. I watched as much as I could.

In the movie, Michael, Margaret, and their 8-year-old-or-so daughter Debbie (voiced by an adult woman) are driving around for about 7 minutes looking for Valley Lodge. They don't find it, but they do find a really sketchy looking house, where they are greeted by Torgo. He introduces himself by waiting around and staring for about a minute before saying, "I am Torgo!" The family stays the night at the house because it's getting dark, and they see a creepy painting of someone who Torgo says is the Master. They hear something resembling a dog howling. Michael goes outside the check what has happened, and he finds their dog dead. They stay the night. Also, Torgo tries to make Margaret his wife, but fails. So that happens.

The next day, Michael and Margaret stumble upon this area which is not established properly. There's some women who aren't moving (who turn out to be the Master's wives), and this guy lying down on a stone slab thingy, and there's fire...and I don't even...

Torgo ties up Michael, and then the Master awakens. He prays to the god Manos or something, and he decides to sacrifice Torgo and his first wife to him. He hypnotizes Torgo, but Torgo escapes, and so does the family. They go in the desert, they come back, Michael shoots the Master, nothing happens, and the Master hypnotizes Michael. Margaret and Debbie become the Master's wives.

THE END.

So if the plot wasn't bad enough, there's always the acting and production. Actually, the acting isn't so mind-numbingly awful. Well it is, but what really makes the movie so bad is the complete lack of editing. Every time there is a cut, the actor stands around for about five seconds before saying their line. Or should I say, mouthing it. They did say the lines, but the camera they used for this movie could not record audio, so they had people dub the whole movie (which is why the 8-year-old daughter is badly dubbed by an adult). Also, no shots are longer than 32 seconds, as that was all the camera could record at once.

Equally impressive is the sound editing. They seemed to have about four different tension music cues, and they're all really short. Many of the scenes play one music cue, and then after about five seconds of silence, start another one. One in particular has a distinct tendency to cut off abruptly. It's mind-boggling.

There really is no way to cover everything wrong in this movie. I couldn't watch more than the first 40 or so minutes of it, and I already have a big, non-comprehensive list of all the things I that were wrong.

I give this movie a -100 out of 5 stars. Yes, that is a negative number. This movie was SO BORING IT HURTS MAKE IT STOP