What did I Just Watch?

"Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter"

Directed by Timur Bekmambetov and Produced by Tim Burton

Seven score and Eight years ago, our nation lost its finest killer of the undead, according to "Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter." Oh, also, he was the president. "Vampire Hunter" is goofy, as any film would be that claims the Emancipation Proclamation is about the undead, but there's not a laugh in the whole thing.

Based on "Vampire Hunter," Bekmambetov appear to have thought he was hired to do pretty much the same thing he did in "Wanted" (nonstop mayhem slow-motioned so much that it almost looks like a cartoon) and that's what he delivers. No this is film is not directed by Tim Burton, but for him to be the producer of such a horrible film is a huge disappointment. 

"Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter" There's no getting around the fact that this is a straight-faced drama that feels like it should be a satirical comedy/adventure. And as Lincoln himself observed, a movie divided against itself cannot stand. The overall theme of the movie is good against evil, but it starts out as revenge. Abraham's mother is killed by a vampire and he seeks revenge to avenge his mothers death. It ends up being his ultimate quest to stop all vampires as if it is misunderstood to all of the American people that slavery is what he is really trying to end. Overall it's an extremely cheesy movie and Tim Burton should have known better than to put this garbage out.

 1/5 stars