Mansome

What makes a guy handsome? What makes a guy mansome? If you want to know, Mansome is just the right documentary for you to watch. Comically narrated yet factual in its discoveries, Mansome is so strange that it's entertaining.
For example, one of the aspects of manhood that the documentary touches on is obsession with facial hair. The film then goes on to follow a man in a world's best beard competition and see how it is extremely important to him. Yes. This is real. In fact, one of the most interesting parts about this documentary is that viewers are amazed that any of this stuff could be real because it is all so weird. In this way, the film is extremely engaging and definitely holds viewers' attention.
Also, because it is continually narrated by Will Arnett and Jason Bateman with excerpts from Zach Galifinakis, viewers will hear the occasional funny commentary which also helps keeps viewers engaged, especially after watching weirdo after weirdo for over an hour.
When it comes down to the core though, the documentary asks an interesting question in regard to a society that is obsessed with male grooming such as men waxing their eyebrows or getting extreme wigs created for themselves (as shown in the film): what does it really mean to be a modern man? Even though the answer is somewhat goofy and made to be funny, one really does have to consider how manhood is changing from what it used to be.
Because of this, I would give this a 2.8/5 beards. It's funny and somewhat interesting but the strangeness factor is a little much. I would recommend this to people who are really bored and want to laugh at weirdos. 

Josh Duhamel makes this movie good

Looking for the perfect terrible chick flick where the girl cries, the boy makes her feel better, and they end up together in the end? Watch Safe Haven!
While the movie is extremely cheesy, Josh Duhamel is a very fine looking gentleman and every girl in the world wishes she could be as gorgeous as Julianne Hough. So if almost everything else about this movie is terribly corny, I would say that the character selection for a chick flick like this is perfect as both the main characters are widely known for being attractive.
However, the movie proves somewhat boring as Hough--known as Katie in the film--comes to a small town, doesn't want to get close with anyone, but ends up falling in love with the guy whose wife died and has two little kids. Please be a little more predictable. Furthermore, the lines seemed to have been written by a 13 year old girl dreaming of love as shown through the drama spilling from every single character.
But...sometimes this is the exact kind of movie that you feel like watching. And by "you," I mean females. Males...you are honestly very weird if you liked this...someone had to say it. Something about chick flicks give people guilty satisfaction and I won't be the one to deny it. For that reason, Safe Haven receives a 4/10.

The Clique Movie: AKA my middle school years summed up into a book series...

Massie Block is the alpha of a quartet of pre-pubescent girls who call themselves 'The Pretty Committee". The movie begins with Massie's mother and father, the Blocks, informing her that their old college friends, the Lyons, will be moving into the guest house of their New York mansion. Massie proceeds to throw a temper tantrum as the van of Lyons pulls up to the house. Claire Lyons, the Lyons 13 year old daughter, single handedly turns the Pretty Committee against Massie and turns OCD (Octavian Country Day[yeah I'm not sure either..]) upside down. 

So this movie is indeed so bad that it did not even make it onto rotten tomatoes.  By telling you it was directed and produced by Tyra Banks should give you an indication of just how horrible it truly is...In middle school I read the book series, The Clique, so I thought I might enjoy this movie. The very first word in this film was Massie, one of the movie's main characters screaming 'EHMAGAWD" which is teenage girl for "Oh my God". From that moment on the film went down hill. Though I thoroughly enjoyed this movie as a whole; it was the quality that was bad. 

So entertainment wise this movie was great but quality wise....I'd rather eat a pinecone. I would rate this movie a solid 2.5 out of 5 juicy couture sweat suits.

Will Smiff makes a wiff

     After Earth could have been much worse, unfortunately it was tremendously terrible and a rough viewing experience. It was a true shame to see the world's beloved Will Smith in such a boring, and drone role. I wished to take this movie seriously because I remember that the movie had a wonderful ad campaign, now I know this was a ruse. The first problem I had with the film was apparent from the beginning; the costumes were horrendous. Jayden Smith, our hero, wears the same "life suit" through the whole movie, hugging him awkwardly close and looking completely impractical. That was a consistant theme, the sets were equally tacky, they never felt realistic and you could always tell that you were staring at a make believe set.
     Luckily the acting wasn't terrible throughout. Both Will and Jayden had decent performances as far as their acting was concerned. The issue was with the screenplay they were assigned... Utter poopoo. Will Smith's character is stuck within the downed ship throughout the entire film. Not to mention that him and Jayden have some stupid slight accent that was umbelievably forced and pointless. So many aspects let this movie down, at every turn there was another let down. For all of this disappointment I must give it a .375 Smiffs out of 5.

Scuse me... you dropped your cheese: a review of "Battlefield Earth" by sam hayes

So I tried to watch Battlefield earth without any bias from any previous review or comments on the movie I had seen, but right away it killed any hope of being good. The title screen, the first thing any single viewer will see, is a terrible bright neon green pukestain of sci-font tragedy. And then there's the acting. Oh God the acting. The wise old man tells his tribe that the God's abandoned them because they got greedy, but I'm pretty sure it's due to the middle school level acting in this barrel of wooden planks. From here on out you begin to realize that these seemingly pre-historic people are actually just post-alien invasion people who lost all technology through the ages. Then a couple humans get captured but the spunky main character has to go giving hope to everyone and turning the movie into a campy cheese-fest. So basically they break out of the prison and do some things and eventually not only kill the aliens on earth, but they also destroy the alien's home planet.

The acting proves to be terrible throughout the film. It's like they filmed it and decided "yeah we can have a bunch of b-lists and John Travolta... that'll do right? No? We need more? Ok just go to home depot and get some wooden planks" cause that's just about how bad this acting was. I'm not even sure it's a real critique, but the way they cut from scene to scene looks like they asked windows for their powerpoint slide changes. It also looks like they ran out of effects budget because the lasers look like crayon and the explosions look like they came out of a junky iphone app.. The camera must have been on a tripod that lost a leg because in half the shots you're looking up the noses of the actors from an angle.

Yeah, so this movie was incredibly campy and cheesy and completely deserves it's terrible rating. I give it -2 wooden planks out of 5.

Also you have to see an alien female use her extremely long cgi tongue to lick john travolta... that's why it's below a 0.

The Last Airbender Review

Sigh. I suppose it is good that I found a movie that accurately portrays a bad movie considering that was what we were supposed to be watching, but seeing something that could have had potential go down the drain in a fashion that was not entertaining only left me grumbling to myself about every nitpicky detail that went wrong. It does not help being a fan of the serious this movie is based on, but there are certainly plenty of points to address from the point of view of a fan and a more objective movie critic.

I suppose if there were to be themes addressed in this movie they would probably be individual versus society and good versus evil, simply because those themes are overarching in the original series. Themes are hardly developed in the film, aside from taking the core concept of the books and making them three dimensional, this live action film has no development. The antagonists that we are supposed to be given fade into the background to flashy fight scenes that are not even choreographed to look realistic. Aang is supposed to be struggling against society, but his consistent lack of emotion throughout the film throws away one of the only things the film could have had going for it…that they already took from a great piece of work. The themes flop, it was all a CGI and environmental camera shot party, and the overuse of those aspects emphasized the flaws they had in them as well.

Let’s compare this to the show. First of all, they took an entire season and crunched it down into under two hours. In the show, we have some major personality developments, and as we see characters growing, we begin to care about them. The movie rushes everything, and takes away any personality that was in the show. All the humor was sucked dry alongside the nonchalant attitude of Aang so that way they could keep the film moving at a brisk pace, and even if emotion was trying to be portrayed, the child actors in the movie fell short. Even though voice acting is quite different from acting, the superb performances from child actors in the show are crucial to how it works, and I could not see them being anyone else, which made me cringe all the more at the movie.

Continuity flaws are everywhere in this film. If it’s broken down scene by scene, there would probably be at least one in each scene. And, please, do not butcher the pronunciation of the protagonists’ names and key phrases of the universe and then say you want to trace it back to its Asian roots. I’m talking to you, Shyamalan. Especially if you then fail to stay true to the existing Asian martial arts that are actually used by each bending tribe in the show, which, I might add, Studio Mir spent time studying to animate proper technique and form. Instead it’s either flashy combinations of moves that derive from different styles, or straight up brawling that almost resembles a UFC match. Also, it would be cool if the Asian architecture influence would have been as strong as it was in the show too, which was not intended to be entirely Asian in the first place, but influenced by other cultures across four different nations.

With all the crucial information removed by M. Night Shyamalan or the writers, in addition to the choppy pacing and random scenes they attempted to add which, apparently, they shouldn’t have had time for, a lot of pieces of the movie did not line up, and even as someone with knowledge of the show I had to find myself using knowledge I knew from that, and stretching it to something that could almost work in the Avatar universe through inference. They did not have time to fit a whole book in one movie, and did not execute it well. It’s also kind of amusing that there’s no resolution at all and failure to introduce key characters due to the fact that they thought they would be getting at least two more movies. But, alas, if a rampant fan with a camcorder and any budget at all could easily make a more quality film, then I would not let the films continue either. This barely gets a 1 out of 5 elements from me: good thing I had a new episode of The Legend of Korra to watch after that monstrosity.

Abduction: So Ehhh

Abduction, starring Taylor Launter, is a movie about a teenager named Nathan who lives a rather normal life, until he finds his picture on a missing children website. He then is told by his parents they the indeed aren't their real parents. Suddenly, two attackers invade their home and kill his parents. Not knowing his real parents, he is advised by his counselor, who is only one of four people who know his real identity, to find his real father. Accompanied by his neighbor and possible love interest, Karen, they have to find the identity of his real father, all while avoiding the CIA and his parents killers, who are trying to find his father and him in order to obtain CIA secrets.

The main theme of this movie is man vs. himself. Nathan has to find out who he really is. He did not know his real mother and father, and his mother and father were a huge mystery to him as well. He needs to find his true identity, while avoiding evil at all costs.

This movie got a 4% on Rotten Tomatoes and 42% of the views liked it, so one could say it is "bad". Yes, this movie has its downfalls, low points, and really corny and cheesy moments, but it is not as bad as you would think. The concept is there, but it was poorly executed. I mean seriously, Taylor Launter? Zac Efron would have been a hell of a lot better. This movie keeps your interest, but it has some cringeworthy moments. I give this a 5 out of 10. 

Disaster movie...Title says it all.

Disaster Movie

Trevor Kirbabas


'Disaster Movie' is exactly what the title says. There's not a single funny, original, or memorable joke in the entire film. There's no excuse for the greedy, self indulging, laziness that the filmmakers here have compiled. Let me take a second to name them. 

If I ever find Jason Friedberg or Aaron Seltzer, the 'directors' of this so called film, I will kill them. Friedberg and Seltzer are making trash and have no problem doing it. For example they also made 'Date Movie' that movie was God awful, but still something made me want to go see it. Not only did they direct this horrible movie, but they are also the writers of this POS. I am embarrassed to say that I have now officially seen this movie. Everything about this movie is poop. 

It starts off in the year 10,001 B.C., a caveman runs away from a predator through a plain and immediately gets into a fight with Wolf. After defeating him, the caveman then encounters the predator: a saber-toothed, gasoline-drinking Amy Winehouse, who after checking her Facebook account, informs him that the world will end on August 29, 2008 (the film's release date) revealing that their fate lies in a Crystal Skull. The film flash-forwards to the present, treating the first scene as a dream sequence of Will. He then finds out that his girlfriend Amy is having an affair with Flavor Flav, and she breaks up with Will because he is not admitting his true feelings for her.

Right Away, I want to punch myself in the face and turn off the movie. The only reason I finished the movie is so I could write a review over it. The movie continues on with horrible jokes, a useless plot and horrific acting. I understand that the movie is supposed to be a spoof, but at least make it funny. I would never recommend this movie to any human being, even if I hated them with a deep burning passion, I would still not recommend this movie.
-1/5 Stars

Plan 9 from Outer Space

Plan 9 from Outer Space

Directed by Edward D. Wood Jr.

Review by Aurora, Wang Yi

            When I knew I needed to watch a bad movie for homework, I got on the Internet and found Edward D. Wood Jr. He is special. Or we can say he does not live in a period he fits in. I can say his movies are rough but crude. That may be another type of truth. When I found and watched the movie, many people wrote review for it. It is kind of paradox. Some people think it is a really bad movie, but another people think it is good. I choose this film because it shows me a director’s passion on making film.

            Wood does not make film. He makes his dream. He does not follow others’ thought to make a famous film for others but for himself. This is why I can respect him and his works. In the film, the aliens are too weak. He said it was a horrible movie, but it was not. Both the things can appear in the movie and cannot appear in the movie all occur. It is so foolish, so it can let people laugh. It has its special, but I cannot feel whole of them.

The Godfather LOL JK North

North is about an 11-year-old boy who feels neglected by his parents.  He decides to leave his parents and get some new ones.  Every parent in the world wants him because he is such a good child.  While he is out scouting parents, the kids in his hometown use his situation to take power from their parents and enslave them.  In the end, spoiler alert, North realizes he doesn’t want anyone besides his real parents, then once he reaches them, gets shot, then wakes up from the dream.  He is in a mall at night, gets a ride home from Bruce Willis, then hugs his parents, who were incredibly worried about him.  This movie got a 15% on rotten tomatoes.  I went in with low expectations, so I wasn’t too surprised with what I saw, it didn’t suck as bad as other movies, like epic movie, but it was nothing I would recommend to a friend or ever watch again myself.  I liked a lot of the actors in the movie, and I asked myself, “Why would they ever waste their time on a movie like this?”  The major theme would be love conquers all because in the end, North realizes that his parents are his parents, and he loves them despite the fact that they neglect him sometimes, and that they love him too.  I would give this movie a 1.5 out of 5.

So bad it made me mad.

The name of the movie I watched is Troll 2 and my title for this journal pretty much sums up how the movie made me feel. Without even knowing the plot, in the first scene I heard some of the worst written and recorded music. Even my dad walked in the room and commented on how bad this was. This movie is about a family that goes on vacation to the countryside to a dainty town called, "Nilbog". Ironically "Nilbog" is goblin spelled backwards... (are you kidding me). This town has some of the weirdest looking people who are secretly trolls who feed people a special ingredient that makes the eater of the ingredient start throwing up and spewing green liquid everywhere until they are a mere puddle of this gross goo. Then the Trolls eat this "purified soup". The acting was atrocious and costumes were comically awful. All together such a bad movie that I do recommend seeing it, only to laugh at.

It got a 0% on rotten tomatoes and I'll give it a 0.0001/10,000 just because I feel bad.

It's not even Thanksgiving yet

Sigh, before I begin this review I would like to say that Christmas with the Kranks has almost a 5 out of 10 on IMDB but Rotten Tomatoes has it at 5% fresh rating. Anyway, after fruitlessly searching for a really bad movie that I would not have to leave the comfort of my couch to watch I stumbled on a gem. Christmas with the Kranks was in a list I has seen at movies below 15%, luckily my family just happened to have it and I popped it into the DVD player. I thought it would not be that, after all my family loved it when it came out and it could not be that bad. I was wrong. But, this was not my first mistake. The first was watching this out of season. It is a Christmas movie, plain and simple. It's not even Thanksgiving so I was already in the wrong mood. When the snow started falling in the opening credits I shivered a little and imagined the long cold winter ahead. The rest of the movie was filled with humor that a twelve year old me would have found hilarious. In fact, my little brother Kris, age 8, found it to be one of the funniest things he has ever seen. Admittedly he has that thought every week. He recently enjoyed Grown Ups 2. Ha. So regardless, the humor seems dated, overdone, and for a family in their stages. Teenage cynicism and angst is not welcome. It's full of "dad jokes" and one off gags that deserve a chuckle maybe at most. It can be slightly heartwarming toward the end but it reaches the cheesy scale when a Santa character is introduced. I thought Tim Allen already accidentally killed him? It was like seeing Tim the Toolman Taylor in a different family, he always plays the same character, himself. Jamie Lee Curtis seemed wasted, the only person I felt truly shone was Dan Aykroyd who gave me the only laughs to be had in this film. This movie  is for small families in 2004. It really has nothing to offer for anyone my age or above. I wouldn't recommend this movie to anyone really. Even as a family heartwarming comedy its subpar. There are plenty of better movies to watch, like The Santa Clause for example if you just can't get enough Buzz Lightyear, erm Tim Allen I mean.
2/5

Daddy Doodoo Day Camp

This weekend I watched Daddy Day Camp. This movie got a 1% rating on rotten tomatoes.  I am not surprised by this at all. This movie is the sequel to daddy day care, but they honestly should have only kept it at that because that movie is a lot better. This movie is childs play. I dont know if I felt the lame humor because of how old I am or if this movie was really just made for 10 year olds. Basically this movie is a movie Charlie and Phil being bad day care sitters but they are then motivated to do better by their neighbor making a day camp. Charlie calls his military father to whip them into shape and to do it.
The movie is just flat out boring and super predictable, it almost came to the point where i could mouth the actor's lines while they were saying. Like at least in Citizen Kane you had no idea what was going to happen next and the whole movie seemed like it was a mystery. It wasn't really the actors fault because they really couldn't do much with this movie.There is only one unpredictable laugh in the entire movie, one time in the film that I actually let out a chuckle, and that’s about two minutes from the conclusion of the film. The rest is fart jokes, camp humor, and sad attempts to be sentimental about father-son relationships. Just like why? It 's not even an enjoyable family kids because there is no interesting friendly plot to it. You know movie has a good plot for a family? Bedtime Stories. I STILL LOVE THIS MOVIE. Because it has that fairy-tale sense to it that relates to the whole family. Daddy Day Camp almost seems like it should be made for an older crowd because it seems it should be a little more raunchy. But nope, instead they make it awkward and terrible anbd just make it for little kids that even their parents cannot enjoy.
Honestly I dont even think that I can come up with a theme for this movie because its a plain story. It doesn't have that adventure feel that the viewer should have when they watch a movie.So in my mind there is no theme for this. I rate this .5 out of 5.

Will Smith's mistake... well his mistake after having a son

After Earth

Lets have a quick talk about the worst movie that I have ever seen and why it will forever be a huge disappointment. Going into watching this movie obviously I knew it was going to suck because it got an 11% on RottenTomatos.com but I still figured well at least Will Smith is in it so how bad could it be? I'll tell you how bad it could be, bad enough to ruin Will's career along with every nobody that was in this film, especially his incredibly annoying son Jaden. I'm going to ignore talking about him completely because I don't have enough time to explain why he is just a terrible actor and all around terrible everything.

So this film takes place after the apocalypse where the human race had to escape from Earth. Kitai son of Cypher the amazing military legend wants to badly to be something great but he is not given the chance until his mother forces Cypher to spend more time with him so Cypher let's him go on the mission with him to go back to earth. Everyone dies except the two of them and Cypher breaks his legs so he can't do anything but tell Kitai what to do. Everything is predictable and things that aren't are so stupid and unrealistic that it makes you enraged especially because there is not explanation for these things. Do not see this movie it is utter crap and it makes me question if I like Fresh Prince that much... well I wouldn't go that far but seriously Will what the heck are you doing? Give up on Jaden okay? Do your own thing and don't try to write again, you're a good actor just do that, oh and be funny again.
.5/5 Gigantic Poops

Dwelling in the Fuchun Mountains

  This movie has been rated on Douban which is like Chinese version of IMDB, it has a rated: 2.9/10.
  Ok....I really don't know what to say to this movie....When I'm watching this movie half way through-aronund an hour-The only thing I am thinking is why on earth is this movie not ending....

  This movie talks about that the ancient art work of China which is called Dwelling in the Fuchun Mountains has been divided into two parts. And one is in Taipei the other half is in Hangzhou. So basically other nations like Japan and German are trying to get the two parts in their hands so they can earn a lot of money by selling them. So, the guy named Xiao Jin Han is a secret agent that works for Hong Kong, which is coded X. His role is to protect the arts and bring them back safely to Taipei. So, when he is doing his mission, he met this girl name Lisa who is a spy that work for the Japanese. They cooperate with each other but when her boss order her to kill him, she gives up and ends up dying in order to protect Xiao. And at the end, the arts are successfully being brought back to Taipei and Xiao and his wife Lin Yu Yan and their son nick name Xiao Bao can finally have a happy life.

  At first I didn't really catch what is going on until probably 3/4 into the movie...And there is a scene that Xiao goes to recuse his son but end up being caught and when the scene changes, audience saw that both of them are safely return home.....So, it is like wait a second....WHAT JUST HAPPENED! It feels like did I miss for 10minutes or what?!!!!!!! And the last scene....Where Xiao and Lisa's boss are fighting... What is wrong with the film maker....It could ends 5 minutes early...Action do get people more interest in it...BUT!!!!! If it is excessive...Then it's just going to make audience sick of it.

  So overall.....I think I get the reason why so many people dislike this film SO SO SO SO MUCH!!!
  Rated 2.5/10. I just want to say... If you are feeling really really boring...Then go for it...Otherwise....It just time wasting.

After Earth

When talking about a bad movie, After Earth pops up in my mind immediately， which according to Tomatometer, is rated 3.8 out of 10 on average.  It basically talks about how a crash landing leaves Kitai and his father Cypher get stuck on Earth, a millennium after events forced humanity's escape. As his father becomes injured, Kitai must run across the hostile forest to recover their rescue beacon.

To be fair, this father-son work isn’t as bad as it might have been: Jaden plays an intriguing figure, and there’s some nice visual design. However, the action is super slow and the most disappointing is the film’s lack of ambition, as what could have been a dramatically amazing space opera becomes just another more-of-the-same jungle chase movie. The film fails not only as science fiction but also as a drama and an adventure.  Overall, I give this movie a 2 out of 5 for the lack of excitement and surprise it brings to me.

Movie 43

   I watched Movie 43 this weekend and it certainly lived up to 4% rating it has on rotten tomatoes. The movie is about this crazy movie that this guy comes up with and he is trying to sell to a production company by holding the guy who decides what movies to make at gun point. The guy trying to sell the movie just keeps telling little stories which are made into shorts that make up the movie. All the shorts are to some extent funny (some hilarious, some not) yet there is no plot what so ever and it is a jumbled mess. Also some of the comedy is indeed raunchy. I have seen my share of raunchy movies, but this one had scenes in it that were over the top raunchy. This movie also created points of extreme awkwardness. For example, when the homeschooled boy kisses his mom. Also, once Johnny Knoxville appeared in this movie one could tell they were trying too hard to make it funny. Johnny is hilarious, just not in this particular environment.
   The movie is said to be the "Citizen Kane" of bad movies. Although it has hilarious things in it like a guy with testicles attached to his neck, the movie just doesn't connect at all. Its simply a jumbled mess. Now maybe if a whole movie was made on a guy with testicles attached to his neck, rather than a 10 minute short, there would be some success.
   This movie really doesn't have a theme. There is a small theme of revenge in the fact that the movie producer attempts to make his mean manager perform sexual acts to the security guard. I would give this movie a 2 out of 10. This is only because a guy with testicles on his neck, a homeschooled boy kissing his mom, and a guy tattooing a phallic image on his face are funny. It should be noted though that most of the comedy was simply not funny.

Manos: The Hands of Fate. I watched as much as I could.

In the movie, Michael, Margaret, and their 8-year-old-or-so daughter Debbie (voiced by an adult woman) are driving around for about 7 minutes looking for Valley Lodge. They don't find it, but they do find a really sketchy looking house, where they are greeted by Torgo. He introduces himself by waiting around and staring for about a minute before saying, "I am Torgo!" The family stays the night at the house because it's getting dark, and they see a creepy painting of someone who Torgo says is the Master. They hear something resembling a dog howling. Michael goes outside the check what has happened, and he finds their dog dead. They stay the night. Also, Torgo tries to make Margaret his wife, but fails. So that happens.

The next day, Michael and Margaret stumble upon this area which is not established properly. There's some women who aren't moving (who turn out to be the Master's wives), and this guy lying down on a stone slab thingy, and there's fire...and I don't even...

Torgo ties up Michael, and then the Master awakens. He prays to the god Manos or something, and he decides to sacrifice Torgo and his first wife to him. He hypnotizes Torgo, but Torgo escapes, and so does the family. They go in the desert, they come back, Michael shoots the Master, nothing happens, and the Master hypnotizes Michael. Margaret and Debbie become the Master's wives.

THE END.

So if the plot wasn't bad enough, there's always the acting and production. Actually, the acting isn't so mind-numbingly awful. Well it is, but what really makes the movie so bad is the complete lack of editing. Every time there is a cut, the actor stands around for about five seconds before saying their line. Or should I say, mouthing it. They did say the lines, but the camera they used for this movie could not record audio, so they had people dub the whole movie (which is why the 8-year-old daughter is badly dubbed by an adult). Also, no shots are longer than 32 seconds, as that was all the camera could record at once.

Equally impressive is the sound editing. They seemed to have about four different tension music cues, and they're all really short. Many of the scenes play one music cue, and then after about five seconds of silence, start another one. One in particular has a distinct tendency to cut off abruptly. It's mind-boggling.

There really is no way to cover everything wrong in this movie. I couldn't watch more than the first 40 or so minutes of it, and I already have a big, non-comprehensive list of all the things I that were wrong.

I give this movie a -100 out of 5 stars. Yes, that is a negative number. This movie was SO BORING IT HURTS MAKE IT STOP

Movie 43

            Movie 43 was by far one of the worst movies I have ever seen in my entire life.  A large amount of the time I do not agree with the reviews that critics give movies, especially comedies like this one.  However, for this movie I have the exact same rating (it got a 4% on rotten tomatoes).  Somebody called it, “the Citizen Kane of awful” which I fully agree with.  It is suppose to be a raunchy, vulgar comedy, but there were very few funny statements in the whole movie.  It started off terrible, with a man with a scrotum on his chin, and did not get any better.  I was considering going to see this movie when it was in theaters, but now I am glad that I did not waste the money on it.  It tried much to hard to be funny and as a result turned out just plain stupid.

            There was not really a main theme to it because it is a bunch of different sketches put together.  It is hard to identify any because all of the sketches either do not contain one or are not long or developed enough to have one of the top ten themes.  In a way it shows the battle because between all of the sketches there is a man trying to get his movie (all of the sketches put together) made.  He fights with the executives and the executives fight each other, but it is not developed in this theme at all.  It also had a terrible ending because it did not have any closure with the movie making deal.  It was simply a dreadful movie.  I give it a 0.5 out of 5, and I think that is a generous rating.

upupupupupup

While I always love Pixar films, this one really blew me away. Probably one of my favorite movies of all time, I decided to rewatch Up, hoping to gain a deeper appreciation of the film. Even though I had already viewed the opening scenes once before and knew what to expect, I have to admit that it made me tear up again. To me, this alone proves the greatness of the movie; not only does it evoke intense emotion within the first 3 minutes of the film but it also does it in animation. One would think that animation would make it much more difficult to connect to the audience yet Up is one of the only movies in which I have felt so emotional.
Aside from Up's surprisingly strong connection to viewers through the animation, it also draws in its audience with its amazing soundtrack. The recurring song "Stuff We Did" immediately pops into my head as soon as I think of the movie which I cannot say is true with most films. Its soft build provides wistfulness throughout the movie, again creating intense emotion.
Finally, Up's cast for voices is perfect. Jordan Nagai, voice of Russell, immaculately depicts the character of a young Boy Scout. Countered by the grouchy sound of Edward Asner's voice as Mr. Fredrickson, the movie sets out in perfect motion and Mr. Fredrickson's voice eventually softens by the end of the film to show his change of character.
Overall, this movie deserves a 6/5. I just get happy thinking about it.

Beats, Rhymes, and Life: The Travels of A Tribe Called Quest

Beat, Rhymes, and Life: The Travels of A Tribe Called Quest is a documentary about one of my favorite hip-hop groups of all time: A Tribe Called Quest. Now granted, you have to have heard their music and somewhat be a fan of them in order to enjoy this film, but nonetheless it is still interesting.

The film is about the development and growth of the group, starting from humble roots in Brooklyn to scoring majors record deals and touring globally. The groups 4 members, Q-Tip, Pfife Dawg, Ali Shaheed Muhammad, and Jarobi White all take part in this film and help narrate it by telling their personal stories. It even talks about the current state of the group with the conflict between Q-Tip and Pfife. It's a very interesting documentary and I loved how it was told from the eyes of the group.

This documentary is very well made as well. Directed and produced by Michael Rapaport, a actor and comedian, this film received a 90% on Rotten Tomatoes. I love this film. I thought it was very well made, while at the same time focusing on the music and relationships within A Tribe Called Quest. I give this documentary a 9/10. But I'd say only watch it after you listen to their music first.

National Geographic: Beyond the Movie: Alexander the Great Review

 This documentary follows the story of Alexander the Great’s conquest of the Middle East, Egypt, and India.  It follows how he became king at age 20, quelled a rebellion to solidify his power, and then went on an 11-year journey of conquest.  He was a great military leader who could inspire his men to do almost anything he commanded.  He was merciful to those who surrendered, but brutal to those who resisted.  His conquests merged east and west, and their cultures.  Greek tragedies were performed in present day Iran, western culture popped into eastern culture at points.  However, on the journey back, Alexander got a fever in Babylon and died, of an unknown cause.  This documentary was interesting to me and kept my attention most of the time.  There is not really a theme because it is a documentary, meant to inform the audience.  But if I had to choose one, it would the battle because it talks about Alexander the Greats many battles to conquer much of the known world at that time.  Because this documentary kept my interest, I would give it a 3.5/5.

I still love fast food

"Food, Inc," reviewBy:Trevor Kirbabas

“Food, Inc.” is a hard movie to enjoy. Not that it’s not well-made. Just the opposite: It’s so convincingly compelling in its depiction of our industrialized food production that you’ll either stop eating altogether – or you’ll binge on fat, salt and sugar, despairing that, since we’re doomed anyway, you might as well enjoy yourself. A bucket of doughnuts and French fries ought to do the trick. Working with writers Eric Schlosser (“Fast Food Nation”) and Michael Pollan (“In Defense of Food”) (A book Mr. Carter is very familiar with), director Robert Kenner hits all the high – or high-calorie – spots in his tour of what’s wrong with our food. There are so many points of entry that you hardly know where to start. It jumps in with cheap corn.  Government-subsidized so farmers grow lots, other farmers and manufacturers can buy it cheaply and it becomes an integral part of everything we eat. It’s not just the high fructose corn syrup that’s so ubiquitously making us fat – it’s the corn-fed beef and chicken, raised on feed lots and in lightless chicken coops.  It is quite gross that our food is not eating food. Corn, it turns out, marbles the beef but also leads to production of the kind of E. coli bacteria in cows’ digestive tracts that, ever more frequently, hops into the food chain and sickens (and kills) us. That’s not to mention the inhumane, unsanitary conditions in which the livestock is kept and slaughtered. Or the fact that the people running the agencies regulating food safety most recently have been plucked from the very industries they’re supposed to regulate (a favorite gambit of the late, unlamented Bush administration). What is depressing is how tied together this all is, how seeming impossible to solve. So few companies control so much of the food production. So much of the food we eat has virtually all the nutrition processed out of it – and sugar and fat processed in – because it’s cheaper to do so. Which has the ripple effect of causing obesity, particularly among the poor, for whom cheap crap is more affordable than fresh vegetables and fruit. Which leads to spikes in diabetes and increased pressure on an already overburdened healthcare system. It’s a vicious circle, one that the food manufacturers ignore until a movie – such as “Super-Size Me” or this one – comes along to rouse public awareness and put pressure on the food companies themselves. Publicity from “Super-Size Me” was the only reason McDonald’s suddenly started offering healthier kids’ meals and other less sodium-and-fat-laden choices. Meanwhile, the average American consumes more than 200 pounds of meat per year. It’s one of many frightening statistics in this eye-opening movie that should be required viewing for anyone who, well, eats. But “Food, Inc.”’s bad news will keep people away from it for exactly that reason. Better to hide one’s head in the sand than face the depressing reality and try to change it.I would suggest this movie to anyone looking for a reason to binge or never eat fast food again. 

4.7 out of 5 stars. 

I saw Mr. Salkil at the Mall This Weekend

Yeah I did. Anyway, I watched the documentary No Place on Earth. It's about Ukranian Jews who hid from the nazis in a large cave. I was interested in it since my heritage is actually Ukranian Jew. It went from dramatic to heart wrenching. The stories of the families in this cave made me tear up. It made me want to travel to the place and meet the people who survived through the experience. Through eye witness testimony and real shots of the cave, this documentary had me sucked in the whole time. I could not take my eyes of of it. I hung on every word of the survivors and each anecdote made me want to call up my grandma and hear about her family during this time. The whole tale just tugged at my heartstrings  and I felt so bad for the people. Yet at the same time it really gave me hope and some sort of camaraderie to see the human spirit push through the incredibly hard times. At the end the survivors bring their grandchildren to the cave, that was icing on the cake. The old men crying and sharing stories was adorable, sad, and it made me want to visit my grandparents. It felt great to learn a new history that I had never thought of, and it made me feel along the way. Overall I thought it was fantastic. 5/5 Salkil's at the mall.

Forever sleeping with the lights on...

I watch documentaries fairly frequently so when this week's review was going to be easy. Keeping up with the Halloween theme of this weekend, I decided to watch the crime documentary Serial Killer: Ted Bundy. I'm not sure why...so don't ask. This documentary scared the bajesus right out of me. For those of you who don't know, Ted Bundy is one of America's most notorious serial killers. He was very good-looking and bright which attracted women whom he ultimately killed. According to those closest to him, his first murder was a little girl who lived down the street from him in Washington when he was 15; he was never convicted of that murder. According to forensic psychologists, his 5 year killing spree can be traced back to his college girlfriend breaking up with him. He did everything in his power to better himself so he could win her back and the moment she accepted his marriage proposal he broke up with her.

From that moment forward  Ted Bundy set out on his killing spree. His victims all had the same characteristics. They were small framed females, with long hair parted down the middle, with a caring nature. One of his victims managed to escape from his grip and managed to identify Bundy in a police lineup. Bundy was put into jail but managed to shimmy out of his cell and walked to freedom. After attacking 5 women in 1 night, known as the Chi Omega murders, he was caught and sentenced to death. It wouldn't be for another 10 years until Bundy would be killed. He then confessed to the rapes and murders of over 35 women.

Holy crap. This documentary scared me to death...people are insane. If you need me i'll be in the fetal position in a well-lit room. I rate this a solid 4.2 out of 5 dead females (is that weird? YOLO)

Secrets of the Dead: Churchill's Deadly Decision

            Secrets of the Dead: Churchill's Deadly Decision tells the story of how Winston Churchill was able to get American aid during World War II.  Germany was quickly advancing to defeat France, and Churchill and the British knew that they would need help from America in order to help stop Hitler.  However, Roosevelt believed it would be futile to give Britain aid because he thought that they would just fall like France did.  This documentary shows what Churchill did to change Roosevelt’s mind.  He attacked a French ship to prevent it from falling into Hitler’s grasp.  This convinces Roosevelt that the British will not fall like the French did and convinces him to send aid to Britain. 

     This film uses actual footage from events in World War II as well as newly shot footage to show what would have happened.  It brings in both historians that specialize in both naval and war history.  It also brings in French as well as British sailors who were there the day of the attack to share their own personal experiences and interpretation of the events.  Overall, it does a great job of bringing in people and information to set the scene and explain everything adequately.  If this movie had one of the top ten themes in movies it would definitely be the battle as the whole plot is focused on a big part of World War II.  This is a good documentary about a topic that I did not learn about in any history class I have ever taken, so I rate this a 4 out of 5.

Mermaids: The Body Found (lol wat)

Okay. First of all: HA! No seriously, that was pathetic. Everyone knows I have a delusional passion for mer-creatures, so obviously I'm going to pick a documentary on them, but what I didn't expect was how angry the documentary would make me. Discovery Channel's "Mermaids: The Body Found" was actually a hilarious joke and ironically cocooned into a mock-umentary almost instantaneously.
The documentary follows a small group of dedicated "scientists" with fabricated degrees. At first I thought the doc. raised a few valid points to say the least, but as soon as they rolled the first "real footage" clip, I lost it. The clips were absolutely Finding Nemo adorable. The animation was so cheap it was absolutely painful and humorous to watch. Not to mention the specifically horrendous acting jobs of the "scientists" specifically "Rebecca" (a super scientifically compelling name to be sure) who at one point delivers the unforgettable line "Hands. They were hands." that left me snorting for hours after. But nothing beats the soundness of the entire documentary's sole holy grail of evidence in their case: a cell phone video that wasn't a dramatization at all (heavy sarcasm). The funny thing is, this "documentary" is listed as a "TV Movie" on IMDb, that just goes to show you how non-credible the film is.
This was an absolute waste of two hours and deserves nothing more from me, especially not a rating.

Indie Game: The Movie; yes this is actually a thing.

Indie Game: The Movie was an excellent documentary. It was not just that it interested me in subject matter, but the telling of three core stories alongside the world that is independent gaming that developers entirely immerse themselves in. It is incredible to see just what these people are capable of on such a small team and with such a low budget, and perhaps little time. It was interesting to see that even a documentary found a way to weave itself into the themes of film, the primary two being man vs. himself and individual vs. society.

Man vs. Himself is just about the core of this documentary. As we explore the separate teams, all of three or fewer people, that created Super Meat Boy, Fez, and Braid, we can see that indie developing is a major battle against oneself. Not only are there the physical limitations, where a team of three are expected to be up to par with a team of one-thousand or more at a more professional level, but the people are constantly bogged down with criticism from themselves, their peers, and complete and utter strangers. It sent many of the developers into a depression where the only thing that they felt they had that could sufficiently be used to cope with were their own unfinished works. Each project was strenuous on the developers, and gave a perspective for the viewers to look into their minds and experience work that could be more difficult than they may ever experience. It is remarkable to see the great lengths of determination and hope put into projects that I personally have seen grow to something that I looked at to be some of the best games of all.

Individual vs. Society is a theme that really gets into the fact of just how isolated these developers feel. Constantly being on the clock, these people give up all chance of socializing, even with wives whom with they were married to before they got involved on their serious journey. The feeling of freedom and independence should be a good one, but with no constraints, the public demands more, faster, and the large name companies are shifting attention away from these projects. In the story of the creation of Fez, when Phil Fish loses his first business partner, everything seems lost; no one is left to help him including the law, and he is isolated to be left only with his work, that could be the downfall of him unless his powerful ex-associate shows him mercy.

This documentary is amazing at telling the stories, and showing the reality and brutality of something that many people take for granted. While introducing us to three dreams, it shows us the struggles, and then ultimately the full circle in which something miraculous is formed, and suddenly everything is worth it, even when hope seemed lost and everything ahead would only be impossible. Even with some of the most difficult obstacles, these three teams pursued their goals against all odds, and shows how effort can go a remarkably long way. This picture is moving, and did not feel like a dry documentary that I have encountered many times. I would give this a 4 out of 5 bandages.